"I Love Love!" (for real this time)

So, in light of Valentine's Day, I am inspired to actually write the post I started a couple weeks ago. Now I have church every Sunday morning at 9 am, which proves to be very difficult sometimes, because I like staying out late on Saturday nights as much as the next girl. Actually, probably more. As a result, there are many mornings that going to church is hard, and paying attention is even harder, and sometimes, to keep myself awake, I draw pictures....

But, I have found that on days that I am actually awake and really praying to be touched by the Spirit, I have the most amazing lessons. A couple weeks ago, it was Fast and Testimony meeting, which is always my favorite. Pretty much half my ward gets up and bears beautiful testimonies about our Heavenly Father and his love for each and every one of us, and the point that stood out the most the day was when someone said "when we try our best, God will pick up the slack." I then went to Sunday school and learned some good points about happiness, how we all have the capability to choose the good, to choose to be happy, and how God will never set us up to fail, so put your trust in him. The church is so true!

Afterwards, I head to Relief Society, and we had this incredible lesson about love. Not necessarily the "I love you let's get married and have babies" kind of love, but the kind that we ought to have for everyone.

Over the course of the lesson, points were made about reserving our judgements about people until we get to know them, because that leaves room for love to grow, and towards the end, my bishop stands and says "why do we love Christ? Because he loves us first." This got me to thinking, how many of us hold back on loving people, because we don't know them or we think they don't deserve it, or we think they don't love us back? The fact of the matter is, everyone not only deserves love, but we all require it. As human beings, we have to have love, tenderness, affection, or we won't make it. Like a newborn baby will die if it isn't immediately and constantly in contact with another human's touch, I think we also will wither away and stop living if we aren't loved. God doesn't make mistakes. He has never made a single person that he hasn't loved, and expected others to love as well. It's not our duty to pick and try to discern who is entitled to it, but rather to give that love freely and without limitations, because don't we want that in return? "We love Christ because he loves us first"--Jesus didn't wait for us to prove ourselves, to see if we were worthy of his love, he just gave it to us. Who are we to hold back? You can't choose who to love, because everyone deserves it. And what a difference that would make in our lives, in society, in the world, if we loved without hesitation. That being said, how can we expect to be loved if we don't? So love without fear, live without regret, and realize that everyone is fighting a hard battle--we all just need a little tender loving care.

"To Live Will be an Awfully Big Adventure"

Last week, I received a call from a girl in the ILP (International Language Program.) She told me someone had given her my name and number and told her I'd be interested. Now, usually, I just say something sarcastic to these kinds of callers and hang up, but I've actually looked a lot into going abroad and teaching kids English. Also, this girl turned out to be a girl from home that was my cousin's trek sister. Small world right? Anyways, I chatted with this girl for a while, finding out all about the program, whatever I didn't already read about on the website, and got really excited. I feel like this is something I really want to do.

I love kids. I always have. I grew up in a family of 10 kids, I have been a Sunbeam teacher, and I worked as a substitute teacher right after I got out of high school. As a sub, I worked with kids anywhere from kindergarten, to 8th grade, and with the exception of 6th graders, I loved and got along with all of them. I also plan on having a very plentiful posterity. Haha just kidding. But seriously.

Also, I want to see the world. All of it. I mean, it's always been a dream of mine, but when I was a junior in high school I decided I would somehow make it real. See, I've loved history for as long as I can remember, and by the time I was a junior, I had taken all the history classes I could. But! There was an AP Art History class, so I took that, (with my best friend Anysa Price, best time of my life) and absolutely fell in love with everything I saw. Unfortunately though, I could only see pictures, and as beautiful as they were, I decided I wanted to see it all for real. However, when I told my parents I wanted to backpack across Europe, they told me I'd get raped and probably die, so I have yet to leave the country.

But then, I get this phone call, and it's like fate. I get to see other parts of the world, and teach kids! What could be better right? I'm really gunning for being placed in Lithuania. I never actually had heard of Lithuania before she told me I could go there, so I've been doing some research, and it looks beautiful. I would love to go there. Plus, I would have the weekends off and vacation days where I can go wherever I want, and you better believe I'll call up Nathan Gee, the British man that stole my heart last summer, and he can show me parts of Europe. It'll be such an adventure. Of course, I'll have to save enough money and decide when I'm going to go, but I am so jazzed about this. Just thinking about it and praying about it feels so good. My dad says I should focus on school and getting my education for now, but even the prophets have said that education is not limited to just schooling. I think there's so much that I can do and learn if I were to be a part of this program. I could touch so many childeren/families' lives, as I know they would touch mine. I don't want to be afraid to take chances. I want to see the beauties that this world has to offer, things that I will be able to teach my own children about. I'm ready. "To live will be an awfully big adventure"

"I Love Love, I Love Being in Love!"

I'd like to dedicate the title of this blog to a friend of mine, Jordan Baker, who sent me this song once, many moons ago, when we were in love--http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV8KJPdFDXU (word to the wise, pay attention to the lyrics, not the video...)

Also, I had to take a break writing this because my roommate asked me to yell out the window for someone to get their dirty laundry out of the washer since I have the loudest voice. Unfortunately for her, I'm also the most obnoxious, so I yelled to the entire complex that someone needed to get their underwear out of the washer because my roommate *I will spare her the embarrassment of the entire facebook/blog world also knowing her name* needs to wash her own underwear. Apparently now war has started. Bring it on. My father was the prank master. My ward was the prank ward at Girl's Camp. I was born for this.

Ok, now I have lost interest in what I was writing before, because I feel like this war between my roommate and I is going to get good. Now she's writing on the window that I need a real man, and she left my number. Amateur.

Also, she wrote it backwards the first time. Sucker. The wheels in my head are already turning, so here I'll leave this blog. I must go plot her demise...

"Change is a Part of Life. Sometimes it's Hard, Sometimes it's Beautiful. But Most of the Time, it's Both"

I love Sundays. This one in particular was extra awesome. To finish off the already fabulous weekend I had, I got to go to my sister-in-law's brother's mission farewell today. The talks I heard today, hands down, some of the best I've ever listened to. The speakers has such a knowledge and understanding of the gospel, it blew me away. Here are these kids, 16, 19, and...however old the other girl was, that had already come to the realization that the gospel is love. The gospel is service. The gospel is the only key to true happiness. And this 19 year-old boy, who by the way is one of the most musically talented individuals I've ever met, had thrown a benefit concert to raise money to make care packages to homeless people, and donated his coat and his scarf to those who needed them more. I really wish you all could have heard his story, because I know I'm not doing it justice, but I'll tell you, it was incredible.

Then, because according to my brother, "'Utah Mormons' only go to sacrament meeting," we all headed back to the in-laws for some lunch and talking and good bye saying. My brother, his wife, and I stayed til about 9. We joked around, laughed a lot, played some games, including paper telephone and Swedish twister, and I got a battle wound. . .

See, my brother thought it would be funny to push me when I came over with my cup of water, spilling it everywhere, and I thought it was a good idea to get him back. Wrong. So wrong. Water managed to spill on various places on the floor, my brother chased me, and being so graceful, I slipped on the wet tile. I went down hard. I'm pretty sure my butt is bruised. And yes, this was in front of his in-laws, their extended family, and at least 12 other strangers. Fortunately, things like this happen to me all the time, so rarely do I get embarrassed anymore. Ain't no thing.

Anyways, I guess today, I'm really just thankful for the little things in life like getting to spend time with family. Whether blood, or those kind enough to let you into their homes and lives and love you. I'm thankful for the Sales family, and how hospitable they have always been towards me. I'm thankful for the strong testimonies they all have, even when the youngest one gets up in sacrament and bares his testimony about Jimmer. Classic. I'm thankful that Mama and Papa Sales raised Malae into the kind of woman my brother could marry, who would be such an anchor for him and who would make him so happy. I'm thankful for the kind of compassionate, caring, loving young man Nick is that is so ready and willing and excited to serve the Lord and the people of Colombia. It's always something wonderful to see young men so eager and full of life and light, ready to share that with the world. Plus, he and I are in love...sometimes;)

I'm also thankful that I could spend the weekend with Angela, Rachel, Clayton, Malae, Jacob and Levi. We've been through a lot together. These are my oldest friends. What a wonderful family I have. I'm really glad we all got to spend time together for the last time for a long time. My cousin Levi is also getting ready to serve his mission in Colombia. He leaves in a couple months. He was my very first best friend.

My oldest sister Angela is leaving for Florida tomorrow morning to do the Disney College Program for the next 8 months. I'm really going to miss her. And even though I hope she finds her future husband there, and I know she'll have so much fun, selfishly, I wish she'd come back to Utah with Rachel and the three of us could be together and be the "rock star girls" forever.

And then who knows where this crazy world is going to take the rest of us? Everything is changing so much. Life is so wonderful. I love every single moment of it.

"Baby I Swear Its Déjà Vu"

At one point or another, many of us have experienced this strange phenomenon. You know, that point in time when you're going about your day, and you get the strangest feeling of familiarity, like you've already lived this moment--commonly known as déjà vu. It's a weird incident to be sure, and I've read about it being associated to temporal lobe epilepsy, and there are theories about it being some sort of wish fulfillment, as well as the brain mistaking memories from the past with the present. However, I was discussing it with my mother one day, and we came up with our own theory. What if, before we came down to earth, we were shown what our lives could be?

For example, when you receive your patriarchal blessing, you are told that if you keep the commandments and live righteously, you will receive promises and blessings for the future. Essentially it's a blueprint of what your life could be. So, what if that's not the first time we encounter that blessing? What if the Lord already showed you what He tells you in that blessing--so when you have déjà vu, for just a second, you remember that you've seen this before. Of course, that was be assuming everyone who has ever experienced it was living the way they should be, which may or may not be true. But maybe, at that moment, they were? Just a thought.

"Sometimes it Lasts in Love, but Sometimes it Hurts Instead"

"Things are to be used, and people are to be loved. The problem with the world today, is that people are used and things are loved"

So many people today keep themselves so guarded, not letting anyone else in, pretending they don't have feelings or a heart, that way it doesn't get broken. Sure, living that way may save you a few heart breaks, but I don't understand how you would want to live your life that way. You don't fall in love like that. Heart breaks are a part of life. They are proof that you felt something, and it was real, and it taught you something. People come in and leave your life all the time, for all different reasons, the trick is finding out why. Therein is where the passion lies. It's where you grow, it's where they get the opportunity to teach you something. I always wished it took a lot for me to fall for boys, but I've come to grips that I fall pretty easy. I'm trusting, and I put my heart out there a lot, and it has always come back hurt, sometimes broken, but I know I'm on the right track to finding someone that won't ever let me cry, someone that won't let me down. Someone to love.

And why wouldn't you want to find that? I also don't understand being 24, 25, 28, and not finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I don't have a ton of dating experience, I'm only 19, but what good does it do my friends that are older that tell me they've got so many more years of dating experience than me, if they're in their mid to late 20's, and they really aren't any closer to getting married than I am? At this point in my life, I'm choosing not get married because I know I'm young and immature and I'm not quite ready for that yet, but if they are also choosing not to get married, I feel like that makes them just as immature if they aren't willing to take that step in their lives and grow up, and move on with their lives.

Life is so short, why not fall in love a time or two? I understand everyone is different, and we all get hurt, and we all have a past, but the prophets say get married. They have said to stop messing around and hanging out--they tell us time and time again to go out on dates, have relationships. Well that's what I plan on doing. I know I'm not innocent by any means, but I'm tired of kissing boys that I don't mean anything to. I'm tired of hanging out, especially with boys who don't care and don't treat me well. I'm tired of fighting for a place in people's lives that won't make a place for me. If someone wants you in their life, you will be. If someone wants to be with you, they'll make it happen. So I'll keep going out, I'll keep caring, and keep getting my heart broken, because I know I'm getting closer.

Come What May, and Love it

Of course, since it's a new year, we're all writing down our goals, making resolutions, trying to grow, become better than we were the previous year. As I was writing mine down, I realized, I haven't written down or hardly made New Year's resolutions in years. So one of my resolutions--make and fulfill some New Year's resolutions...I know.

Really though, I some of my goals are that I plan to better myself and grow as a person. I plan to have a greater knowledge and understanding of the scriptures and gospel in general. I plan to develop better, closer relationships with my friends and family, as well as make new friends. I plan on being more outgoing in all aspects of my life, especially with sharing the gospel. I want the light of Christ to shine from me in a way that people will want to know Christ by knowing me. I plan to show more service, and be more charitable. Most of all though, I plan to live my life starting now around Elder Joseph B. Worthlin's talk in the 2008 General Conference "Come What May, and Love it."

Everything happens for a reason. All experiences in life are meant to build you and help you grow. So I've realized I need to be thankful for every one of them--good or bad--and love what happens. I made a friend today that I went to church with, and he told me "if you live it, you'll love it-if you don't you won't." Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. We are meant to laugh, love, achieve, get our hearts broken, occasionally fail that we may learn how to succeed. President Hickley said "life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." This is going to be a wonderful year.