Sunday, December 18, 2011

I Get A Little Bit Stronger

I believe everything happens for a reason. There are no chance experiences. There is not one trial, not one person you meet, not one giggle you release that don't in some way, big or small, touch your life.
Things have been hard. I'm sure I've written that in every blog so far, but this is how I'm trying to deal. I've noticed a lot however that its not just me, it seems everyone I know is going through one thing or another. But, in coping with it all, in talking with friends and trying to help them through their hardships, in crying to people about my own troubles, I've recently hit this peaceful bliss.
Not too long ago, I met a boy. The night I met him, he was basically nothing but rude to me, but I'm usually a good sport, so I laughed, although through my smile, occassionally the thought ran through my head "keep it up homeboy and I'm gonna knock you out." Then he added me on facebook, and we started talking. It was a weird time for me because my love life was just out of control, and being a girl, I was going through all kinds of emotions, and I was positive this new friend of mine thought I was insane. Yet, he didn't leave. We talk a lot, and he is probably the most arrogant person I know--and although I hate to admit it, and if he reads this I'll deny it, but most of the time, I actually agree with what he says, and I think he has the most enlightening insight. Well, a couple weeks ago, I fell apart. I cried for the better part of probably 4 hours, and I had so many thoughts going on, and no one I felt like I could share them with. Then, I called this friend, and he picked me up, and he talked me through it. He said a lot of worthwhile things no question, but he ended by giving me two options. He told me I could either blame God for these trials, and be angry with Him, or I could ask Him for help--like that poem about the footprints in the sand--ask Him to carry me. This friend has also told me before that I need to let people help me, that I need to ask for help and favors, because "you love those whom you serve, and if you never let anyone serve you, how can they really love you?" I've replayed our conversations about a million times in my head, and I've been trying to hard to open up and follow his advice. And, it hasn't been until I started talking about it, and praying, and literally taking my problems to the Lord and asking for Him to lift me and help me that I've been feeling better.
So, I guess the point of this post, is to thank him. I don't know if he'll even read this, because I just read in his own blog that he doesn't really read other people's, but whether he does or not, I want everyone who does read this to know the importance of a friend. That friend may be a sibling, a roommate, someone you've known for years, for a month, or that friend may be the Lord, but in any case, they are a neccessity in life. I also just spent all weekend with another close friend of mine, and we spent so much time talking about life and everything, and I also want her to know how thankful I am that I can call her at any time, and she'll talk to me for however long I need, and that she calls and talks to me too, and needs me to listen. Most of all, I just want to express my gratitude for the fact that I'm never really alone. Even when no one is physically near me, my Father in Heaven is just a prayer away. In all this talking and praying, I've accepted the fact that I can't fix everything. I can't take on everything on my own. I am a weak thing that can only be made strong through the Lord. This Christmas season, I really want to reflect on what really matters, and keep in mind what my sister always tells me: "does it matter? In the eternal perspective of things, does it really matter?" Christ matters. The Atonement matters. Family and friends matter. Love matters. I want so bad to emulate that perfect love of Christ, not only through the Christmas season, but for the rest of my life, towards everyone I meet. Sometimes I don't love everyone the way I should, but I want to. Everything is so much brighter, life is so much happier when there's just love. Pure, unadulterated love. I love this Christmas season. I love the Gospel. I love my family. I love the people I know--and I want to love the people I don't. I love love!!

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